If anything can go wrong, Fix It! (to hell with Murphy!)
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°1
%
When given a choice -- take both!
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°2
%
Multiple projects lead to mulitple successes
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°3
%
Start at the top then work your way up
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°4
%
Do it by the book
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°5
%
When forced to compromise, ask for more
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°6
%
If you can't beat them, join them, then beat them
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°7
%
If it's worth doing, it's got to be done right now
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°8
%
If you can't win, change the rules
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°9
%
If you can't change the rules, then ignore them
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°10
%
Perfection is not optional
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°11
%
When faced without a challenge, make one
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°12
%
"No" simply means begin again at one level higher
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°13
%
Don't walk when you can run
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°14
%
Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°15
%
When in doubt: THINK!
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°16
%
Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°17
%
The squeaky wheel gets replaced
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°18
%
The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live
		-- Anti- Murphy's Laws n°19
%
No antique is as rare, old, or valuable as it seems-unless your neighbor owns it.
		-- Murphy's First Law of Antiques
%
Old and precious carpets weaken bowels and bladders.
		-- Jenning's Corollary Concerning Oriental Carpets and Pets
%
The best tag sales always have the least parking.
		-- Shelly's Rule
%
The odds of finding one of the forty original priceless copies of the Declaration of Independence in the backing of an old frame increased to one-in-ten-billion, after you sold yours at a flea market for five bucks last year.
		-- Don's Law of Diminishing Opportunity
%
The only sure way to find bargain prices at an auction, is to consign your antiques there.
		-- Tucker Frey's Universal Truth
%
During that one ten minute period of the day when the sun blazes the hottest, Mother Nature invariably calls.
		-- Hotkowski's First Law Concerning Porta-Potties and Outdoor Antique Shows
%
The biggest, most wretched slob in three states, will always be standing one spot ahead of you in line.
		-- Hotkowski's Second Law Concerning Porta-Potties and Outdoor Antique Shows
%
Tell a man you saw a flying saucer last night, and he'll believe you. Tell him your mechanical bank is in working order, and he'll put a coin in to see for himself.
		-- McCarthy's Axiom
%
The antiques that will rise the most in value tomorrow, are those same items you sold yesterday.
		-- Samaha's Appreciation Edict
%
An antique that seems too good to be true, probably is.
		-- Kathy Lee's Dictum
%
All people whose mother was born before the year 1945 can rest assured in the knowledge that she threw away the following articles:
A.) Your baseball card collection including two Mickey Mantle rookie cards and one Honus Wagner tobacco card in mint condition.
B.) Every Barbie and GI Joe doll including accessories, and the original boxes you painstakingly packed away in the attic.
C.) Anything having to do with the Arts & Crafts period.
D.) Uncle Mill's entire collection of hand-painted tin toys, lead soldiers, and boxed trains.
E.) Your enormous comic book collection including the first issues of Superman, Batman, and Spiderman.
		-- Einstein's Law
%
The odds of the tricycle running into the card table are directly influenced by two factors; the strength of the table's legs, and the value of any objects set upon it.
		-- Nancy's Law
%
No matter how early you arrive, you'll always get there too late. The best buy of the day always take place in front of you.
		-- Ferguson's Observation's Concerning Flea Markets
%
Any vase dropped in a tall grass meadow will invariably land on a rock. The number of rocks in the field is irrelevant.
		-- The Breakability Factor of Glass and Porcelain
%
The legibility of the signature is inversely proportional to the importance of the artist.
		-- Caba's Axiom Concerning Signatures and Paintings
%
To spot the expert, pick the one who charges the most money.
		-- Murphy's Theory Concerning Antique Dealers
%
If it doesn't sell in the first hour, it isn't going to sell.
If it doesn't sell in the first ten minutes it won't sell in the first hour.
Nothing sells in the first ten minutes.
		-- Marshall's Tenets Concerning Three Day Antique Shows
%
The odds of a husband and wife agreeing on any antique purchase are practically zero.
		-- Hammitt's Constant
%
Write down what you paid for it. Multiply that figure by two. Divide this figure in half. This is the value.
		-- Murphy's Formula For Discerning The Value Of Any Antique
%
No matter how much care and money you put into your antique collection, your neighbors are still going to think its trash.
		-- Cohan's Edict
%
The day after you buy the fastest new modem, they will change the standard so that your modem can only talk to modems of the same brand (only 100 of which were ever sold)
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°1
%
The factory will ship the wrong manual with your modem and you will spend hours finding and setting dip switches that aren't even on your modem
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°2
%
However the modem comes set from the factory, it will be the WRONG way to work on your machine
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°3
%
No matter what solution you devise to fix a problem with your modem, it will lead to the creation of at least four other problems
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°4
%
Whenever a caller has problems using the BBS, the user will insist the problem is on the sysop's side and the sysop will insist the problem is on the caller's side
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°5
%
If you fail to follow the advice of more experienced modemers and use the same password on every BBS you call, someone will steal your password and make lewd comments about the sysop's mother on the boards you WERE
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°6
%
If you DO follow the advice of more experienced modemers and use a totally different password on every BBS you call, you will forget the password of the board where your date has left a message telling you where to meet them tonight
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°7
%
Your spouse, who rarely visits you at your computer, will stop by at the exact moment you've receive a flirtatious page from another user
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°8
%
You will always forget to disable call waiting when connected to a pay-by-the-minute BBS
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°9
%
A truely great BBS is either illegal, immoral, or long distance from you
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°10
%
If a file takes more than 30 minutes to download, someone in your house will pick up the phone within the last 15 seconds
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°11
%
No matter how neutral the topic, your message will offend SOMEONE
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°12
%
The first time you forget to scan your file downloads for viruses will be the first time in your life you'll actually get a virus
		-- Murphy's Laws of BBS'ing n°13
%
The likelyhood of a transmitter crashing is inversely proportional to the amount of sleep you received the previous night and your distance from the transmitter
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°1
%
The likelyhood of your basketball sports gear being taken out by a player diving for a ball is directly proportional the cost of replacing the gear
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°2
%
A remote checked out hours before a major remote will crash five minutes into the broadcast
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°3
%
Any generator started and tested before a storm will fail as soon as the power fails
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°4
%
The phase that is not detected by the generator's transfer panel will always be the one to fail
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°5
%
Squirrel gaurds don't
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°6
%
The bullet that is forgotten while installing an antenna systems will always be at the base of the antenna, and discovered at 5pm on a Friday after the tower crew has left
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°7
%
The probability of a drink getting spilled into a console is directly propotional to the cost of the console
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°8
%
The on air computer system will always crash when it is on air
		-- Murphy's Laws of Broadcast Engineering n°9
%
Don't look conspicuous
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°1
%
There is always an easy way
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°2
%
The easy way usually results in more damage done than less or is blocked by a large, pissed off dog who hasn't eaten in a week
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°3
%
When dealing with the public try to look unimportant, They may go and find someone else to ask that stupid question to
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°4
%
Falling trees have the right of way
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°5
%
Uniforms only come in two sizes, too small and too large
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°6
%
If your Captain can see you then so can the public
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°7
%
Never worry about the falling tree branch with your name on it
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°8
%
If orders can be misunderstood, they have been
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°9
%
It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°10
%
Priorities are made by Crew Leaders, not GOD
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°11
%
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°12
%
Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°13
%
Crew leaders and above never watch until you make a mistake
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°14
%
One Crew leader is never enough but two is entirely too many
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°15
%
A clean and dry set of overalls is a magnet for mud and rain
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°16
%
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°17
%
the more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°18
%
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°19
%
Interchangeable parts don't, leak proof seals will and self starters wont
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°20
%
The Item of equipment that usually wont start or jams when you need it the most is the pump
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°21
%
You aren't Superman
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°22
%
If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°23
%
The important things are always simple
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°24
%
The simple things are always hard
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°25
%
Beer Math -> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°26
%
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°27
%
The more stupid the leader is, the more important tasks he is ordered to carry out
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°28
%
The self-importance of a Deputy Captain is inversely proportional to his actual importance in the chain of command
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°29
%
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Fire Control Officer is watching
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°30
%
As soon as you are served hot food in the field, it rains
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°31
%
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution
		-- Murphy's Bush Fire Brigade Laws n°32
%
Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the point of maximum pressure
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°1
%
The distance to a given camp site remains constant as twilight approaches
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°2
%
The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional to the amount of repellent that remains
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°3
%
The probability of diarrhea increases with the square of the thistle content of the local vegetation
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°4
%
Scout troops of the opposite sex are only encountered while dealing with the diarrhea mentioned above
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°5
%
The area of level ground in the neighborhood tends to vanish as the need to make camp becomes finite
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°6
%
In a mummy bag the urgency of ones need to urinate is inversely proportional to the amount of clothing worn
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°7
%
Waterproof clothing isn't
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°8
%
The width of backpack straps decreases with the distance hiked
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°9
%
Average temperature increases with the amount of clothing brought
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°10
%
Tent stakes come only in the quantity "N-1" where N is the number of stakes necessary to stake down a tent
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°11
%
Propane/butane tanks that are full when they are packed, will unexplainably empty themselves before you can reach the campsite
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°12
%
Given a chance, matches will find a way to get wet
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°13
%
Your side of the tent is the side that leaks
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°14
%
All foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color when freeze-dried
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°15
%
Divide the number of servings by two when reading the directions for reconstituting anything freeze-dried
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°16
%
When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water filter, "hour" should be substituted for "minute" when reading the average quarts filtered per minute
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°17
%
The weight in a backpack can never remain uniformly distributed
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°18
%
All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective trunks at exactly the height of your nose
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°19
%
You will lose the little toothpick in your Swiss Army knife as soon as you open the box
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°20
%
Rain
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°21
%
Enough dirt will get tracked into the tent on the first day out, that you can grow the food you need for the rest of the trip in rows between sleeping bags
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°22
%
When camping in late fall or winter, your underwear will stay at approximately 35
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°23
%
Bears
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°24
%
The sun sets three-and-a-half times faster than normal when you're trying to set up camp
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°25
%
Tents never come apart as easily when you're leaving a site as when you're trying to get them set up in the first place
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°26
%
When planning to take time off of work/school for your camping trip, always add an extra week, because when you get home from your "vacation" you'll be too tired to go to back for a week after
		-- Murphy's Laws of Camping n°27
%
The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches
		-- Murphy's Laws of Computation n°1
%
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later
		-- Murphy's Laws of Computation n°2
%
A program generator creates programs that are more buggy than the program generator
		-- Murphy's Laws of Computation n°3
%
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over
		-- Murphy's Laws of Computation n°4
%
If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
		-- Murphy's Laws of Computation n°5
%
When all else fails, read the instructions
		-- Murphy's Laws of Computation n°6
%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
		-- Murphy's Laws of Computation n°7
%
Things get worse under pressure
		-- Fundamental Law of Thermodynamics n°1
%
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent
		-- Fundamental Law of Thermodynamics n°2
%
The man who can smile when something goes wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on
		-- Fundamental Law of Thermodynamics n°3
%
The higher the "higher-ups" are who have come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one
		-- Fundamental Law of Thermodynamics n°4
%
Every task takes twice as long as you think it will take
		-- Fundamental Law of Thermodynamics n°5
%
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance
		-- DSP Paradox (Nolans Placebo) n°1
%
Variables won't, constants aren't
		-- DSP Paradox (Nolans Placebo) n°2
%
There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read : "ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE"
		-- DSP Paradox (Nolans Placebo) n°3
%
A bad sector disk error or a head crash occurs only after you've done several hours of work without making a backup
		-- DSP Paradox (Nolans Placebo) n°4
%
No matter how large and standard the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it
		-- DSP Paradox (Nolans Placebo) n°5
%
The solution to a problem changes the problem
		-- DSP Paradox (Nolans Placebo) n°6
%
Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine stuggling to be free
		-- DSP Paradox (Nolans Placebo) n°7
%
To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start
		-- Educational Considerations n°1
%
Always keep a record of data, it indicates that you've been working
		-- Educational Considerations n°2
%
Always draw your curves, then plot the data
		-- Educational Considerations n°3
%
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing
		-- Educational Considerations n°4
%
Program results should always be reproducible
		-- Educational Considerations n°5
%
Don't believe in miracles
		-- Educational Considerations n°6
%
It works better if you plug it in
		-- Educational Considerations n°1
%
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it
		-- Educational Considerations n°2
%
Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be dissappointed
		-- Educational Considerations n°3
%
Given any problem containing N equations, there will be atleast N+1 unknowns
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°1
%
An object or bit of information most needed will be the least available
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°2
%
Any device requiring service or adjustment will be the least accessible
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°3
%
Interchangeable devices won't
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°4
%
In any human endeavor, once you've exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°5
%
Badness comes in waves
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°6
%
At the source of every error that is blamed on the computer, you will find atleast two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°1
%
Any system which depends upon human reliability is unreliable
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°2
%
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°3
%
Investment in reliability will continue until it exceeds the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work done
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°4
%
The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public
		-- SNAFU Equations (JB's Scholastic Laws) n°5
%
After months of training and you finally understand all of a programs commands, a revised version arrives with an all new command structure
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°1
%
After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar "bug" in the system, the system is revised, the "bug" is taken away, and you're left with a useless routine
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°2
%
Efforts in improving a programs "user-friendliness" invariably leads to improving the user's "computer literacy"
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°3
%
That's not a "bug", thats a feature !
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°4
%
An expert is the person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°1
%
The first myth of management is that it exists
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°2
%
Any given program, when running, is obsolete
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°3
%
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°4
%
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°5
%
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°6
%
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°7
%
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°8
%
Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°9
%
Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°10
%
If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization
		-- Thoreau's Theories of Adaption n°11
%
A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.
		-- Dr. Caligari's Come-Back
%
No matter how large and standardized the marketplaceis, IBM can redefine it.
		-- Estridge's Law
%
A program generator creates programs that are more ``buggy'' than the program generator.
		-- The Last One's Law of Program Generators
%
As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.
		-- Wood's Axiom
%
No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°1
%
Any cool program always requires more memory than you have.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°2
%
When you finally buy enough memory, you will not have enough disk space.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°3
%
Disks are always full. It is futile to try to get more disk space. Data expands to fill any void.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°4
%
If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it is guaranteed to crash.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°5
%
If such a program has not crashed yet, it is waiting for a critical moment before it crashes.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°6
%
No matter how good of a deal you get on computer components, the price will always drop immediately after the purchase.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°7
%
All components become obsolete.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°8
%
The speed with which components become obsolete is directly proportional to the price of the component.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°9
%
Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except the end user.
	-- Murphy's Computer Laws n°10
%
A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming
%
Every non- trivial program has at least one bug
Corollary 1 - A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs.
Corollary 2 - At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°1
%
Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another 'unrelated' part is modified.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°2
%
The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
Corollary - A subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other problem.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°3
%
A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°4
%
A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the customer engineer will blame the programmer.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°5
%
A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely and the programmers will blame the customer engineer.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°6
%
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°7
%
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°8
%
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°9
%
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°10
%
Any program will expand to fill available memory.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°11
%
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°12
%
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°13
%
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°14
%
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°15
%
Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers can not write in English.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°16
%
The documented interfaces between standard software modules will have undocumented quirks.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°17
%
The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely proportional to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Computer Programming n°18
%
Your worst looking field will always be next to the paved road used by your banker and most of your neighbours.
		-- Macadam's Law
%
Machinery never breaks down when you don't really need it.
		-- Deere's Dictums n°1
%
Unloading augers break only when the combine bin is completely full.
		-- Deere's Dictums n°2
%
If both the monitor and the planter are going to breakdown, they will do so simultaneously.
		-- Deere's Dictums n°3
%
The most essential parts are always on back-order.
		-- Mechanics' Maxims n°1
%
A nut dropped on the ground will roll until it finds a crack to fall into.
Corollary: The more you need the nut, the deeper and narrower the crack will be.
		-- Mechanics' Maxims n°2
%
The tool you need is back at the shop.
		-- Mechanics' Maxims n°3
%
The more work you have to get done, the more likely it is to rain.
		-- Precipitation Precepts n°1
%
It never hails on bare ground.
		-- Precipitation Precepts n°2
%
Following a summer-long drought, the rainfall received during harvest will be equivalent to twice the accumulated moisture deficit for the entire growing season.
		-- Precipitation Precepts n°3
%
Mud-holes are deeper than they look.
		-- Meyer's Laws
%
The nozzle behind the sprayer tank will be the first one to plug
		-- The Law of Inverse Visibility
%
When you can't discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you've already checked.
		-- Kibitzer's Constant
%
The field that most needs manure is the one farthest from the barn.
		-- The Humus Homily
%
When you mistakenly plant at too high a population, every seed will grow.
		-- Planter's Paradox
%
Nails are selectively attracted to the inside dual.
		-- The Puncture Principle
%
Weeds are the only plants that thrive in miserable weather.
		-- Tare's Tenets n°1
%
The twitchgrass is always greener on your side of the fence.
		-- Tare's Tenets n°2
%
Problem weeds appear first at the back end of the field you visit least.
Corollary: You won't see them until the seeds have gone through the combine.
		-- Tare's Tenets n°3
%
The number of salesmen that will call on you on any given day will be directly proportional to the amount and urgency of the work you have to get done.
Corollary: None of them will be selling anything you want.
		-- Sam Slick's Sophism
%
Weed escapes increase exponentially once the corn is too big to cultivate.
		-- Scuffler's Law
%
Corn borers are selectively attracted to the hybrid with the weakest stalks.
		-- The Entomologist's Edict
%
Spray drift is selectively attracted to soybean fields.
		-- The Dicamba Dictum
%
Coulters never fall off on the headlands.
		-- Plowman's Precept n°1
%
The last round to be plowed next to the line fence is always one furrow narrower than the plow.
		-- Plowman's Precept n°2
%
Stones get bigger at night.
		-- The Harvester's Homily
%
Tires never go flat when the gravity wagon is empty.
		-- Dunlop's Dictum
%
The futures market will go up the limit the day after you sell.
		-- Brokers' By-Law
%
If you stop for a beer, after having been in the field since 5 a.m., the first person you see will be: a) your banker b) your minister or c) your mother-in-law. (Note: "Molson's Golden" is a brand of beer in Canada.)
		-- The "Golden" Rule
%
The only person your family pet ever bites will be: a) your banker b) your minister or c) the local animal control officer.
		-- Dave's Dogma
%
If your hired man spreads fertilizer on the wrong field, he will put it on one that already tests "Excessive".
		-- The Potash Principle
%
Cattle never break out while you're watching.
Corollary: You'll find them in the field you entered in the crop competition.
		-- The Taurine Tenet
%
The announcement of the one meeting you most wanted to attend will arrive in the mail the day after the event.
		-- Postal Postulate
%
The field that most needs lime will be the one you've just converted to no-till.
		-- The Carbonate Constant
%
The day you let your cousin from the city fuel up your biggest tractor will be the day after the dealer put gasoline in the diesel tank.
		-- Shell's Law
%
On the hottest day of the year, the air conditioner on your tractor will break down, the heater will be stuck on "High", and all of the windows will be seized shut.
On the coldest day of the year, the heater will break down, the air conditioner will be stuck on "High" and the windows will be seized open.
		-- The Perverse Principles of Temperature Regulation
%
Every girl already has a boyfriend
		-- Murphy's Laws of Dating n°1
%
If you think things are going well in a relationship, you have overlooked something
		-- Murphy's Laws of Dating n°2
%
Given enough time, any relationship will end unhappily
		-- Murphy's Laws of Dating n°3
%
Everywhere in the world, women outnumber men
		-- Murphy's Laws of Dating n°4
%
Women will talk to you if and only if they are unavailable
		-- Murphy's Laws of Dating n°5
%
No woman will treat you as badly as the woman you marry
		-- Murphy's Laws of Dating n°6
%
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
		-- Farber's Fourth Law
%
You cannot know both the location of a female and that she is single at any given time. If the location of the female in question is known, see Law #1
		-- The Heisenberg Principle of Dating
%
Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
		-- Katz's Law
%
The amount of time you spend getting ready for a date is inversely proportional to how well it will turn out.
		-- Principle of Diminishing Returns
%
If you try to leave the proper driving distance between you and the car in front of you, someone will always move in
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°1
%
The guy that has a bumper sticker that says "If you can read this, You're too close" always tailgates
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°2
%
Trucks that overturn on the highway are alway filled with something sticky
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°3
%
There's always room to merge behind a diesel bus
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°4
%
As soon as you change lanes to a faster lane, it becomes the slowest lane
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°5
%
If you try to change lanes to get off the ramp, the guy in the lane to your right will always speed up
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°6
%
Wherever you park your car in the summer, the sun is always shining on the driver's seat
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°7
%
It takes longer to get there than it does to get back
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°8
%
If all the cars are coming your way -- you're probably going the wrong way on a one-way street
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°9
%
If you park several blocks away from your destination, there will always be a parking space right in front of it
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°10
%
The first bug to land on your clean windshield will always splatter right in front of your eyes
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°11
%
When you need to change a flat tire, you discover that the spare tire is flat too
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°12
%
The air conditioning breaks down on the hottest day of the year
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°13
%
A ding in the door is more aggravating than a dent
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°14
%
A traffic light will always turn yellow as you approach it
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°15
%
Your car never malfunctions or makes the same noise in front of your mechanic
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°16
%
Your car runs worse after being serviced
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°17
%
The engine falls out of the car the day after the warranty expires
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°18
%
Your car horn will always get stuck when your're behind a group of "Hell's Angels"
		-- Murphy's Driving Laws n°19
%
A bad dinner with your wife is worth more than a good one in the company of your mother-in-law.
		-- A law for married men
%
If the food is fine,
- it is cancerogenic
- makes you fat
- or both.
		-- The doctor's axioms
%
The dietary foods make you
- sick
- nervous
- weak,
and despite of all they still don't make slim.
		-- For dieters
%
The quantity of the food consumed is in direct ratio to your weight.
		-- For heavy dieters
%
Vegetables are healthy. For the ones who can afford it.
		-- Vegetable-law in Hungary
%
When you are hungry like the wolf, they give you a half sandwich.
When you are not hungry, they serve you up more delicious courses.
When they give you a fine dinner, they forget about drinks.
When they don't forget about food and drink, both are terrible.
		-- At parties
%
Spinach is a food, too. It is better than nothing, but worse than everything.
		-- Law of the Green Monster
The food you chose from the menu is
- too expensive
- too cold
- unfit to eat,
but still not bad enough to kill your wife.
		-- In restaurant #1
%
No matter how early you have come to the restaurant - the waiter serves you last.
		-- In restaurant #2
%
The more delicious the food is, the more cholesterol it contains.
		-- Rule for fine courses
%
The more terrible a food is, the healthier it is.
		-- Rule for bad courses
%
Everything you like is forbidden.
		-- Axiom
%
There are no answers, only cross refernces.
	-- Weiner's Law of Libraries
%
If the course you wanted most has room for "n" students, you will be the "n+1" to apply.
	-- Laws of Class Scheduling n°1
%
Class schedules are designed so that every student will waste maximum time between classes.
Corollary: When you are occasionally able to schedule two classes in a row, they will be held in classrooms at opposite ends of the campus.
	-- Laws of Class Scheduling n°2
%
A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered only during the semester following the desired course.
	-- Laws of Class Scheduling n°3
%
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important ones will be illegible.
	-- Laws of Applied Terror n°1
%
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want
	-- Laws of Applied Terror n°2
%
Eighty percent of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed about the one book you didn't read.
	-- Laws of Applied Terror n°3
%
The night before the English history midterm, your Biology instructor will assign two hundred pages on planaria.
Corollary: Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.
	-- Laws of Applied Terror n°4
%
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If you are given a take home exam, you will forget where you live.
	-- Laws of Applied Terror n°5
%
At the end of the semester you will recall having enrolled in a course at the beginning of the semester--and never attending.
	-- Laws of Applied Terror n°6
%
Pocket calculator batteries that have lasted all semster will fail during the math final.
Corollary: If you bring extra batteries, they will be defective.
	-- First Law of Final Exams
%
In your toughest final, the most distractingly attractive student in class will sit next to you for the first time.
	-- Second Law of Final Exams
%
Anything in parentheses can be ignored.
	-- Seeger's Law
%
You never catch on until after the test.
	-- Natalie' Law of Calculus
%
The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during you last semester.
	-- Seit's Law of Higher Education
%
The book or periodical most vital to the completion of your term paper will be missing from the library.
Corollary: If it is available, the most important page will be torn out.
	-- Murphy's Rule of the Term Paper
%
The most valuable quotation will be the one for which you cannot determine the source.
Corollary: The source for an unattributed quotation will appear in the most hostile review of you work.
	-- Duggan's Law of Scholarly Research
%
The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it.
	-- Rominger's Rules for Students n°1
%
The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it later.
	-- Rominger's Rules for Students n°2
%
The closest library doesn't have the material you need.
	-- Hansen's Library Axiom
%
No matter which book you need, it's on the bottom shelf.
	-- London's Law of Libraries
%
When a student asks for a second time if you have read his book report, he did not read the book.
	-- Rominger's Rules for Teachers n°1
%
If attendance is mandatory, a sheduled exam will produce increased absenteeism. If attendance is optional, an exam will produce persons you have never seen before.
	-- Rominger's Rules for Teachers n°2
%
Everything you like is bad for you
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°1
%
If it isn't bad for you, it's too expensive
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°2
%
If you can afford it, it's out of season
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°3
%
You will realize it's back in season the day that the grocery store runs out
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°4
%
Every recipe ever written includes one ingredient that you do not have in your kitchen
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°5
%
Substitutions never taste right
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°6
%
Ovens either overcook or undercook
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°7
%
Microwave ovens always overcook and undercook at the same time
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°8
%
The grocery store always gets a fresh shipment immediately after you buy your food for the week
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°9
%
You will always forget the most important item if you don't make a list
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°10
%
If you do make a list, the store will be out of your most important item
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°11
%
Every item in the store will be on sale, except the ones that you want
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°12
%
Coupons always expire before you have a chance to use them
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°13
%
The only person who ever gets to use coupons is the person in front of you in line
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°14
%
The number of coupons of the person in front of you is directly proportional to how much of a hurry you're in
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°15
%
No matter which checkout line you get in, it will always be the slowest one
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°16
%
The "Fast lane" isn't
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°17
%
Stores open 24-hours cannot close for their daily inventory update
		-- Murphy's Food Laws n°18
%
No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°1
%
If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°2
%
If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°3
%
Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°4
%
If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°5
%
If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°6
%
Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°7
%
The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°8
%
The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°9
%
The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard
		-- Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers n°10
%
The maintenance engineer will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
	-- Murphy's Hardware Laws n°1
%
It is axiomatic that any spares required will have just been discontinued and will be no longer in stock.
	-- Murphy's Hardware Laws n°2
%
Any VDU, from the cheapest to the most expensive, will protect a twenty cent fuse by blowing first.
	-- Murphy's Hardware Laws n°3
%
Any manufacturer making his warranties dependent upon the device being earthed will only supply power cabling with two wires.
	-- Murphy's Hardware Laws n°4
%
If a circuit requires n components, then there will be only n - 1 components in locally-held stocks.
	-- Murphy's Hardware Laws n°5
%
A failure in a device will never appear until it has passed final inspection.
	-- Murphy's Hardware Laws n°6
%
If you do a thorough check of your trailer before hauling, your truck will break down
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°1
%
There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°2
%
No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°3
%
The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°4
%
A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°5
%
Tack you hate never wears out; blankets you hate cannot be destroyed; horses you hate cannot be sold and will outlive you
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°6
%
Clipper blades will become dull only when the horse is half finished
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°7
%
If you're wondering if you left the water on in the barn, you did
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°8
%
One horse isn't enough; two is too many
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°9
%
If you approach within 50 feet of the barn in your "street clothes," you will get dirty
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°10
%
You can't push a horse on a lunge line
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°11
%
If a horse is advertised "under $5,000," you can bet he isn't $2,500
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°12
%
The number of horses you own increases according to the number of stalls in your barn
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°13
%
An uncomplicated horse can be ruined with enough schooling
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°14
%
You can't run a barn without baling twine
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°15
%
Hoof picks migrate
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°16
%
Wind velocity increases in direct proportion to how well your hat fits
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°17
%
There is no such thing as the "right feed
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°18
%
If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°19
%
If you're winning, quit
		-- Murphy's Horse Laws n°20
%
Nothing is ever as simple as it first seems
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°1
%
Everything you decide to do costs more than first estimated
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°2
%
Every activity takes more time than you have
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°3
%
By trying to please everybody, somebody will be displeased
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°4
%
It is a fundamental Law of Nature that nothing ever quite works out
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°5
%
It is easier to make a commitment or get involved in something than to get out of it
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°6
%
Whatever you set out to do, something else must be done first
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°7
%
If you improve or tinker with something long enough, eventually it will break or malfunction
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°8
%
By making something absolutely clear, someone will become confused
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°9
%
Every clarification breeds new questions
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°10
%
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, and that is sufficient
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°11
%
Persons disagreeing with your facts are always emotional and employ faulty reasoning
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°12
%
Enough research will tend to support your conclusions
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°13
%
The greater the importance of decisions to be made, the larger must be the committee assigned to make them
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°14
%
The more urgent the need for decision, the less apparent becomes the identity of the decision maker
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°15
%
The more complex the idea or technology, the more simple- minded the opposition
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°16
%
Each profession talks to itself in its own unique language
		-- Murphy's In Laws n°17
%
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°1
%
Design flaws travel in groups
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°2
%
In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters, it's how much you save
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°3
%
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°4
%
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°5
%
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°6
%
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°7
%
You never find a lost article until you replace it
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°8
%
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°9
%
All great discoveries are made by mistake
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°10
%
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°11
%
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°12
%
You can lead a man to slaughter, but you can't make him think
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°13
%
Don't get mad, get even
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°14
%
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°15
%
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°16
%
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°17
%
You can't fight the law of conservation of energy but you sure can bargain with it
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°18
%
If it's good, they'll stop making it
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°19
%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°20
%
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°21
%
Fools rush in where fools have been before
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°22
%
You get the most of what you need the least
		-- Sad Truths of Life n°23
%
A broken lock will always work when demonstrated for the locksmith
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°1
%
The lock will stop working the minute the locksmith leaves
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°2
%
The only thing you didn't check for a malfunction, will be the source of the problem, but you won't find it until you are called back
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°3
%
What ever the customer has told you to prepare for the service call will be wrong
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°4
%
A dropped part will always roll to the exact geographic center of the largest available object for it to roll under
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°5
%
The probability of the loss or breakage of any part is directly proportional to the difficulty of getting a replacement part
Irreplaceable parts will always break or be lost, and at the worst possible time
Replaceable parts will only become available after an important deadline has passed
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°6
%
Parts that are difficult to install will freely fall out on their own
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°7
%
Parts that go in easily will be extremely hard to remove, and removal will be necessary to accomplish the needed repair
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°8
%
The part you will need will be the irreplaceable part you threw away last week because there are no more locks of that type around
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°9
%
The number of customers that visit your shop is inversely proportional to the number of employees you have to wait on them
When your entire staff is available no one will come
When you are there alone, everyone will come and they will be impatient
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°10
%
The probability of an auto lockout varies directly with the intensity of the rain
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°11
%
The length of time it take to open any vehicle varies directly with the intensity of the rain
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°12
%
The length of time it take to open a vehicle or pick a lock varies directly with the number of on-lookers making fun of how long it takes you
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°13
%
The length of time it take to open a vehicle or pick a lock varies directly with the number of television and move characters your customer claims can do it in only a few seconds longer or whether time just seams to drag when certain customers are around}
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°14
%
The number of witnesses available is inversely proportional to the skill you demonstrate
There will never be anyone around to see you do something brilliant
When you really screw up, you will get network coverage with a 40 share
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°15
%
The probability of having someone closing a safe and spinning the dial while you have the back of the lock off will vary directly with the square of the number of people you tell not to touch the safe while you get something out of the truck.
The probability of having someone close a safe and spinning the dial while you have the back of the lock off will vary directly with the square of the number of relockers that will be tripped.
The more elaborate the precautions you take the more likely they are to close a safe and spin the dial while you have the back of the lock off. {Nothing is fool-proof because fools are too ingenuous}
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°16
%
The probability of arriving at the job site without a needed tool or with the wrong hardware are directly proportional with the square of the travel distance
You will always have what you need when the job is next to your shop
They lock will always be the wrong hand and not field reversible when the job is more than 1/2 hour travel
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°17
%
Any written specification you have been issued by the customer will be the old one that has since been revised
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°18
%
Any lock finish or style that you have with you will not match the rest of the hardware in the building
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°19
%
The harder it is to obtain matching hardware, the more the customer will insist on an exact match
If you have an exact match the customer will say " Matching isn't important, don't you have anything cheaper?"
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°20
%
When a customer has a large number of specialty locks , thast lock will require very expensive service and pin kits.
When you buy the kits, you only get to use them one time, or you find that something you already have can be used instead.
When you don't buy the kits, nothing else that you have will work instead, and you will have constant problems that would have been avoided by buying the kits.
By the time you finally buy the kits your lost time will exceed the cost of the kits by ten fold. Then your customer will go elsewhere.
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°21
%
The harder you try to get to a call quickly, the more other locksmiths will beat you to it and the less likely you are to get paid for coming out
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°22
%
The more difficult the customer, the more locksmiths he calls to come out
The more people they call, the less likely you are to get paid
Major ass holes call every locksmith for a hundred miles radius
They only pay the first to show up and complain about the price they have to pay, even though they were quoted that price before they told you to come
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°23
%
No matter how low you bid the job there is always an idiot out there willing to do it for less
The more you cut your price to get business, the more likely you are to go out of business Your income will follow
The more you try to compete on a price basis the lower your prices will go
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°24
%
The bigger your yellow pages ad is the more low priced calls from non-repeat customers you will get
Increasing the ad size and cost increases the percentage of low profit calls you get
The prize for beating out all other locksmiths for the biggest most expensive advertising in all the different yellow pages books is bankruptcy
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°25
%
The more you advertise that you have 24 hour service the more security guards and Insomniacs will call you in the middle of the night with request for price quotations
You will get angry calls from people who stopped by your shop at midnight and you weren't there even though you advertised 24 hour service
You will get calls after midnight from people who saw your 24 hour service claim and want to have you meet them at your shop immediately to cut one key on your 89 cent coupon special {On this lost Leader you lose your mind and your sleep}
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°26
%
Your best apprentice will quit and open a shop across the street and cut your prices
		-- Murphy's Laws of Locksmithing n°27
%
All the good ones are taken
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°1
%
If the person isn't taken, there's a reason
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°2
%
The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°3
%
Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°4
%
The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°5
%
Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°6
%
The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°7
%
Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°8
%
Nice guys (girls) finish last
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°9
%
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°10
%
Availability is a function of time
		-- Murphy's Love Laws n°11
%
The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°1
%
The referee will always be looking the other way when you score
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°2
%
You will have trouble with the ties on your gi pants when members of the opposite sex are in class
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°3
%
The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°4
%
The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking and sweeping techniques
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°5
%
If you have to use your training in self-defence, your assailant's father will be a lawyer
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°6
%
After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°7
%
After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt grading
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°8
%
In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°9
%
No matter how many times you take care of it before your grading, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn
		-- Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts n°10
%
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°1
%
Adultery is the application of democracy to love
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°2
%
An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°3
%
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°4
%
Mencken's Law
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°5
%
Those who can - do
Those who cannot -- teach
Those who cannot teach -- administrate
		-- Mencken's Law
%
For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong
		-- Mencken's Metalaw
%
Puritanism - The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°7
%
When a man laughs at his misfortunes, he loses a great many friends
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°8
%
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it
		-- H.L. Mencken on Murphy n°9
%
Friendly fire -- aint
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°1
%
Recoilless rifles -- aren't
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°2
%
Suppressive fires -- won't
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°3
%
If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°4
%
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°5
%
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°6
%
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°7
%
Incoming fire has the right of way
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°8
%
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°9
%
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°10
%
The Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°11
%
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°12
%
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°13
%
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°14
%
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°15
%
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°16
%
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°17
%
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°18
%
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°19
%
Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°20
%
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°21
%
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°22
%
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°23
%
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°24
%
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°25
%
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°26
%
Don't be conspicuous
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°27
%
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°28
%
Every command which can be misunderstood, will be
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°29
%
Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°30
%
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°31
%
Field experience is something you never get until just after you need it
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°32
%
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°33
%
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°34
%
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°35
%
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°36
%
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°37
%
If orders can be misunderstood, they have been
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°38
%
If the enemy is in range so are you
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°39
%
If the enemy is within range, so are you
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°40
%
If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°41
%
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°42
%
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°43
%
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°44
%
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°45
%
If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°46
%
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°47
%
If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°48
%
If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°49
%
It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°50
%
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°51
%
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°52
%
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°53
%
Military Intelligence is an oxymoron
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°54
%
Mines are equal opportunity weapons
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°55
%
Murphy was a grunt
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°56
%
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°57
%
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°58
%
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°59
%
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°60
%
Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°61
%
Friendly fire isn't
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°62
%
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°63
%
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°64
%
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°65
%
No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°66
%
Odd objects attract fire never lurk behind one
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°67
%
One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°68
%
Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°69
%
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°70
%
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°71
%
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°72
%
Suppressive fires won't
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°73
%
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°74
%
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°75
%
The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°76
%
The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°77
%
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°78
%
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°79
%
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°80
%
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°81
%
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°82
%
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°83
%
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°84
%
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°85
%
The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°86
%
The one item you need is always in short supply
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°87
%
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°88
%
The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°89
%
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness)
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°90
%
The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°91
%
The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°92
%
The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°93
%
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°94
%
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°95
%
There is no such thing as a perfect plan
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°96
%
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°97
%
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°98
%
Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°99
%
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°100
%
Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA, MIA or WIA
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°101
%
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°102
%
Tracers work both ways
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°103
%
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°104
%
Uniforms only come in two sizes, too small and too large
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°105
%
Weather ain't neutral
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°106
%
When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°107
%
When in doubt, empty your magazine
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°108
%
When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°109
%
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°110
%
When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°111
%
Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°112
%
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°113
%
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°114
%
If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°115
%
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°116
%
No OpPlan ever survives initial contact
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°117
%
All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°118
%
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°119
%
The easy way is always mined
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°120
%
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°121
%
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°122
%
Military Intelligence is a contradiction
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°123
%
Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°124
%
'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°125
%
Napalm is an area support weapon
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°126
%
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°127
%
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone
		-- Murphy's Military Laws n°128
%
When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not your friend.
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°1
%
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°2
%
Automatic weapons - aren't
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°3
%
Never mind the bullet with your name on it, try to avoid the shrapnel addressed to occupant
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°4
%
Body count math -> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°5
%
Your weapon was made on an assembly line by the same type of people who made your car
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°6
%
All 15 round magazines will be a few rounds short in a firefight
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°7
%
No one ever carries too much ammo
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°8
%
Pilots who can see you when dropping you supplies cannot see you when dropping bombs
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°9
%
Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°10
%
Your bivouac for the night is the spot where got tired of marching that day
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°11
%
Suppressive fire works on everything but the enemy
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°12
%
You are not Superman, but sometimes thinking you are will save you ass!
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°13
%
There's no such thing as a "sucking chest wound," all chest wounds suck
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°14
%
Anything the Army says is man-portable, isn't
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°15
%
All battles are fought at the junction of two or more map sheets,
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°16
%
What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°17
%
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°18
%
When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring, he's fallen back too far
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°19
%
The weight of all of your equipment is proportional to the cube of the time you have been carrying it
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°20
%
There are two kinds of naval vessels: submarines and targets
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°21
%
Surprise is an event that takes place in the mind of a commander
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°22
%
If they're shooting at you, it's a high intensity conflict
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°23
%
Mine fields are not neutral
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°24
%
The effective radius of a hand grenade is greater then the average grunt can throw it
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°25
%
Odd objects attract fire
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°26
%
If it flies, it dies
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°27
%
Peace is our profession, mass murder's just a hobby
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°28
%
If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°29
%
Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°30
%
If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't
		-- Murphy's New Military Laws n°31
%
Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.
		-- The Franklin Factor
%
If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.
		-- The Rat Race
Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too.
		-- The Eyeglass Prescription
%
Watched telephone never rings.
		-- The Ring Rule
%
Never pick up the phone on Saturday night. It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.
		-- The Creep Call
%
They say there are lots of good fish in the sea. But who wants to go out with a fish?
		-- The Fishing Forecast
%
Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage.
		-- The Psychological Prognosis
%
Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.
		-- The Rope Trick
%
No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.
		-- Mind Over Matter
%
The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.
		-- The Fault Finder
%
Men's desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy.
Women's desire for intimacy often results in sex.
		-- The Unintended Result
%
Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.
		-- The Rabbit Rule
%
You can't keep a good man down.
		-- The Dangle Doctrine
%
Familarity breed children.
		-- Twain's Truth
%
Women are only fertile a few days each month... unless they're single.
		-- The Fertility Factor
%
The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex, the more likely he's fallen asleep by the time you're ready.
		-- The Preparation Predicament
%
Seeing is always (6 - (# of setup steps to do))
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°1
%
There are no working trigger cables, unless they are too short
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°2
%
Disk space is always ((Data set size) - 200 MB)
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°3
%
The number of terminals in a computer network is always ((number of potential users) - 1)
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°4
%
There are never clouds in the sky unless the setup is complete
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°5
%
A filter set contains all imaginable wavelengths and widths- except the one combination you need
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°6
%
The number of days of observation time you get is
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°7
%

		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°((days for setup) + (days of bad weather) + (days when computers are down) + (days when telescope is out of order) - 1)
%
Scattered light never gets into your setup where it is possible
		-- Ralf's Laws of Observational Astronomy n°8
%
When something goes does go wrong, it won't be the thing you expected.
	-- Murphy's Axiom
%
Your own point of view will tell you if this is truly a computer revolution, or just plain revolting.
	-- Murphy's Law of Dynamic Perspective
%
The state-of-art computer you buy today will be a K-Mart special within 18 months.
	-- Murphy's Law of Technology
%
In any "complete list", the most important item will be left off.
	-- Murphy's Rule of Lists
%
If you disassemble a machine and then reassemble it, there will always be at least one part left over.
	-- Murphy's Law of Machinery
%
You'll never know what that extra part is for until you've thrown it away.
	-- Murphy's Secondary Law of Machinery
%
Pandora should have opened PC.
	-- Murphy's Law of Hardware
%
If a computer can have only one vacuum tube, it might as well be a really big one.
	-- Murphy's Law of Computer Monitors
%
When you finally get used to the positions of the Ctrl and Alt keys, some new industry study of ergonomics will decide that they really belong somewhere else.
	-- Murphy's Law of Key Migration
%
To calculate the capacity of any floppy disk, simply add up the number of bytes of data you wish to copy to it and multiply by .9, so that Capacity=(Data*.9). Then look for a second floppy disk.
	-- Murphy's Law of Floppy-Disk Capacity
%
The bigger your hard disk seems the day you buy it, the faster it will seem to fill up.
	-- Murphy's Law of Hard Disks
%
If Gutenberg had only had a computer and printer, he may never have gotten the Bible printed.
	-- Murphy's Law of Printers
%
If they're just accessories, how come we want them so badly?
	-- Murphy's Law of Accessories
%
There's really not much that can go wrong with your computer untill you turn it on.
	-- Murphy's Law of Passive Dynamics
%
The harder you try to come up with a descriptive file name with just eight characters, the less meaningful the name will be.
	-- Murphy's Law of Labels
%
The beauty of a command-driven interface is that it gives you countless opportunities to type a command wrong.
	-- Murphy's Law of Accuracy in Commands
%
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you sure can add lots of bells and whistles to the pooch.
	-- Murphy's Law of Enhancements
%
If a program works perfectly and gives you absolutely no trouble go ahead, take a chance and upgrade, make my day.
	-- Murphy's Law of Software
%
To say phooey to a GUI is no hooey.
	-- Murphy's Law of GUIs
%
You can't prevent disasters, but you can diminish their frequency and severity.
	-- Murphy's Law of Risk
%
Preparing for the worst doesn't mean it won't happen.
	-- Murphy's Law of Prudence
%
The probability of a hard-disk crash increases with the number of days since the drive was last backed up.
	-- Murphy's Law of Data Loss
%
Trying to encapsulate your world of personal computing into an 8 1/2 x 11 notebook computer is like attending a special seminar at Murphy's Institute.
	-- Murphy's Law of Miniaturization
%
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
	-- Murphy's Law of Research
%
If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.
	-- Gordon's Law
%
If the facts do not confirm the theory, they must be disposed of.
	-- Maier's Law
%
If enough data are collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.
	-- Williams and Holland's Law
%
The number of different hypotheses erected to explain a given biological phenomenon is inversely proportional to the available knowledge.
	-- Edington's Theory
%
If you think of something new, it's been done.
	-- Murphy's Laws for Researchers n°1
%
If you think something is important, no one else will.
	-- Murphy's Laws for Researchers n°2
%
If you throw it away, someone else will publish it, obtain a grant, write a book, and get on the Oprah Winfrey show.
	-- Murphy's Laws for Researchers n°3
%
No theory will answer the important questions.
Corollary: All theories are irrelevant.
	-- Murphy's Laws for Researchers n°4
%
When you think you have discovered the real problem, you have not.
Corollary: When you are sure it is not important, it is.
	-- Murphy's Laws for Researchers n°5
%
Your study will only make sense as long as your research question is hazy.
	-- Murphy's Laws for Researchers n°6
%
The more you enjoy your research, the less data there is to support it.
	-- Murphy's Laws for Researchers n°7
%
In education, the shortest distance between two points is a downward spiral
		-- Murphy's Laws for School Administrators n°1
%
If you think you're right
		-- Murphy's Laws for School Administrators n°2
%
If you think you're wrong
		-- Murphy's Laws for School Administrators n°3
%
Fusible interfacings always fuse to the iron
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°1
%
The serger only eats the customer's garment
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°2
%
If you need 6 buttons, you will find 5 in your button box
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°3
%
The seam you meant to rip out is invariably the other one
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°4
%
When you are in a hurry, the needle eye is always too small
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°5
%
The fabric you forgot to pre-shrink will always shrink the most
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°6
%
The pattern you wanted to make again will have one key piece missing
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°7
%
If you drop something out of your sewing basket, it will be your box of pins
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°8
%
Whenever the construction process is going well, the bobbin thread runs out
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°9
%
The magnitude of the goof is in direct proportion to the cost of the fabric
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°10
%
Your lost needle will be found by your son, husband or brother-in-law
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°11
%
Facings tend to be sewn to the wrong side
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°12
%
Collar points don't match, and you've trimmed all the seams
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°13
%
The iron never scorches the garment until its final pressing
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°14
%
The steam iron only burps rusty water on light silk fabric
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°15
%
The sewing machine light usually burns out on Sunday
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°16
%
Pinking shears get dull just by looking at them
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°17
%
Gathering threads always break in the middle
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°18
%
The scissors cut easiest past the buttonhole
		-- Murphy's Laws of Sewing n°19
%
The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feeling
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°1
%
Nothing improves with age
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°2
%
No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°3
%
Sex has no calories
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°4
%
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°5
%
There is no remedy for sex but more sex
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°6
%
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°7
%
No sex with anyone in the same office
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°8
%
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°9
%
A man in the house is worth two in the street
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°10
%
If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°11
%
Virginity can be cured
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°12
%
When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°13
%
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°14
%
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°15
%
Sex is dirty only if it's done right
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°16
%
It is always the wrong time of month
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°17
%
The best way to hold a man is in your arms
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°18
%
When the lights are out, all women are beautiful
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°19
%
Sex is hereditary
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°20
%
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°21
%
The younger the better
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°22
%
The game of love is never called off on account of darkness
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°23
%
It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°24
%
Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°25
%
Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°26
%
There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°27
%
Love your neighbor, but don't get caught
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°28
%
Love is a hole in the heart
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°29
%
If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°30
%
Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°31
%
Do it only with the best
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°32
%
Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°33
%
One good turn gets most of the blankets
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°34
%
You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°35
%
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°36
%
It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°37
%
Thou shalt not commit adultery
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°38
%
Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°39
%
Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°40
%
Never argue with a women when she's tired- or rested
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°41
%
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°42
%
What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°43
%
It is better to be looked over than overlooked
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°44
%
Never say no
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°45
%
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°46
%
Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°47
%
Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°48
%
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°49
%
A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°50
%
Love comes in spurts
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°51
%
The world does not revolve on an axis
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°52
%
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°53
%
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°54
%
Don't do it if you can't keep it up
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°55
%
There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°56
%
Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°57
%
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°58
%
"This won't hurt, I promise
		-- Murphy's Laws on Sex n°59
%
In any given price estimate, final cost will exceed estimates by a factor of 2
		-- Financial General Shefields Corollaries n°1
%
All warranty and guarantee clauses become void upon payment of the final invoice
		-- Financial General Shefields Corollaries n°2
%
Interchangeable parts won't
		-- Mechanical General Shefields Corollaries n°1
%
The probability of a diagram or a specification being omitted from a shop manual is directly proportional to its importance
		-- Mechanical General Shefields Corollaries n°2
%
A dropped tool will land where it will cause the most damage; also known as the Law of Selective Gravity
		-- Mechanical General Shefields Corollaries n°3
%
The availability of a part is inversely proportional to the need for the part
		-- Mechanical General Shefields Corollaries n°4
%
Disassembly of a major component will invariably include a seized bolt
		-- Assembly General Shefields Corollaries n°1
%
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally towards maximum difficulty of assembly
		-- Assembly General Shefields Corollaries n°2
%
The necessity for correcting mistakes in assembly increases as the assembly approaches completion
		-- Assembly General Shefields Corollaries n°3
%
After assembly, it will always be observed that the gasket is on the bench
		-- Assembly General Shefields Corollaries n°4
%
A dropped nut will seek the least level of accessibility
		-- Assembly General Shefields Corollaries n°5
%
A screwdriver will always slip when in the proximity of painted surfaces--Law of Centrifugal Malfeasance
		-- Assembly General Shefields Corollaries n°6
%
Any line, wire, or cloth cut to length will be too short
		-- Dimensions General Shefields Corollaries n°1
%
Any rigid material cut to fit will be too long
		-- Dimensions General Shefields Corollaries n°2
%
Probability of failure of a component is inversely proportional to the ease of repair or replacement
		-- Operation General Shefields Corollaries n°1
%
An electrical component protected by a fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first
		-- Operation General Shefields Corollaries n°2
%
The clock in the instructor's room will be wrong.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°1
%
Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°2
%
A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°3
%
The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°4
%
A meeting's length will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°5
%
Students who are doing better are credited with working harder. If children start to do poorly, the teacher will be blamed.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°6
%
The problem child will be a school board member's son.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°7
%
When the instructor is late, he will meet the principal in the hall. If the instructor is late and does not meet the principal, the instructor is late to the faculty meeting.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°8
%
New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°9
%
Good students move away.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°10
%
When speaking to the school psychologist, the teacher will say: "weirdo" rather than "emotionally disturbed."
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°11
%
The school board will make a better pay offer before the teacher's union negotiates.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°12
%
The instructor's study hall be the largest in several years.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°13
%
The administration will veiw the study hall as the teacher's preparation time.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°14
%
Clocks will run more quickly during free time.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°15
%
On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°16
%
If the instructor teaches art, the principal will be an ex-coach and will dislike art. If the instructor is a coach, the principal will be an ex-coach who took a winning team to the state.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°17
%
Murphy's Law will go into effect at the beginning of an evaluation.
	-- Murphy's Laws of Teaching n°18
%
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°1
%
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°2
%
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°3
%
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°4
%
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°5
%
All great discoveries are made by mistake
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°6
%
The first myth of management is that is exists
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°7
%
A failure will not appear until the unit has passed final inspection
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°8
%
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°9
%
Some people manage by the book, even they don't know who wrote the book, or even what book
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°10
%
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°11
%
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°12
%
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°13
%
The only perfect science is hindsight
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°14
%
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°15
%
When all else fails, read the instructions
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°16
%
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°17
%
When any instrument is dropped, it will roll into the least accessible corner
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°18
%
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°19
%
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°20
%
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°21
%
After all is said and done, a lot more is said than done
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°22
%
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°23
%
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°24
%
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°25
%
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°26
%
The only perfect science is hind-sight
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°27
%
The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°28
%
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°29
%
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°30
%
New systems generate new problems
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°31
%
We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°32
%
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°33
%
A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°34
%
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°35
%
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°36
%
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°37
%
The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°38
%
In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p
		-- Murphy's Laws on Technology n°39
%
Technologie don't transfer.
		-- Conrad's Conundrum
%
Vending machines only contain edible material when you are not hungry
		-- Murphy's Laws on Vending Machines n°1
%
The person in front of you will always get the last one
		-- Murphy's Laws on Vending Machines n°2
%
If the vending machine actually has what you want, it will cost more than the amount of change that you have
		-- Murphy's Laws on Vending Machines n°3
%
Anything you purchase will get stuck and hang on the edge of the rack
		-- Murphy's Laws on Vending Machines n°4
%
If you only have dollar bills, the vending machine will reject them
		-- Murphy's Laws on Vending Machines n°5
%
There are only two times when vending machine operators appear: when you kick the machine in disgust, and when you try to shake the machine to make your stuck snack fall
		-- Murphy's Laws on Vending Machines n°6
%
Vending machine operators will never have a sense of irony or humor
		-- Murphy's Laws on Vending Machines n°7
%
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
		-- Why Why Why n°1
%
Does a fish get cramps after eating?
		-- Why Why Why n°2
%
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
		-- Why Why Why n°3
%
How can someone "draw a blank"?
		-- Why Why Why n°4
%
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
		-- Why Why Why n°5
%
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
		-- Why Why Why n°6
%
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
		-- Why Why Why n°7
%
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
		-- Why Why Why n°8
%
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
		-- Why Why Why n°9
%
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
		-- Why Why Why n°10
%
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
		-- Why Why Why n°11
%
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
		-- Why Why Why n°12
%
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
		-- Why Why Why n°13
%
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
		-- Why Why Why n°14
%
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a tall building what would happen?
		-- Why Why Why n°15
%
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
		-- Why Why Why n°16
%
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
		-- Why Why Why n°17
%
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
		-- Why Why Why n°18
%
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
		-- Why Why Why n°19
%
When they ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
		-- Why Why Why n°20
%
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
		-- Why Why Why n°21
%
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
		-- Why Why Why n°22
%
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
		-- Why Why Why n°23
%
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
		-- Why Why Why n°24
%
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
		-- Why Why Why n°25
%
Why do 'tugboats push their barges?
		-- Why Why Why n°26
%
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
		-- Why Why Why n°27
%
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
		-- Why Why Why n°28
%
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
		-- Why Why Why n°29
%
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
		-- Why Why Why n°30
%
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
		-- Why Why Why n°31
%
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
		-- Why Why Why n°32
%
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
		-- Why Why Why n°33
%
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
		-- Why Why Why n°34
%
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
		-- Why Why Why n°35
%
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
		-- Why Why Why n°36
%
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
		-- Why Why Why n°37
%
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
		-- Why Why Why n°38
%
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
		-- Why Why Why n°39
%
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell mnemonic?
		-- Why Why Why n°40
%
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
		-- Why Why Why n°41
%
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
		-- Why Why Why n°42
%
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
		-- Why Why Why n°43
%
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
		-- Why Why Why n°44
%
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
		-- Why Why Why n°45
%
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
		-- Why Why Why n°46
%
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
		-- Why Why Why n°47
%
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
		-- Why Why Why n°48
%
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
		-- Why Why Why n°49
%
You know how most packages say "Open here"
		-- Why Why Why n°50
%
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
		-- Why Why Why n°51
%
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°1
%
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°2
%
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°3
%
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°4
%
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°5
%
Never ask two questions in a business letter
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°6
%
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°7
%
If at first you don't succeed, try again
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°8
%
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°9
%
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°10
%
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°11
%
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°12
%
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°13
%
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°14
%
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°15
%
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°16
%
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°17
%
until the next person quits or is fired
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°18
%
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°19
%
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°20
%
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°21
%
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°22
%
People are always available for work in the past tense
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°23
%
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°24
%
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°25
%
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°26
%
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°27
%
No one gets sick on Wednesdays
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°28
%
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°29
%
The longer the title, the less important the job
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°30
%
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°31
%
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°32
%
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°33
%
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°34
%
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure
		-- Murphy's Laws on Work n°35
%
