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# The Linux Launderette

This month's Launderette was compiled by Kat Tanaka Okopnik while Jimmy O'Regan was nefariously distracted by bus-driving evil Martian princesses. He's got a more harrowing explanation entitled "The Dog Ate My Laundry", but who do you believe, really?

# The Linux Launderette

### Linux on a guitar

Jimmy ORegan [joregan at gmail.com]
Fri, 2 Feb 2007 23:06:00 +0000

http://www.linuxguitar.org/ (http://www.linux.com/article.pl?sid=07/01/31/1951219)

I can only think of 2 negatives: a) my birthday isn't until July b) I don't know anyone rich enough to buy me one

### Linux Genuine Advantage[tm]

Predrag Ivanovic [predivan at ptt.yu]
Sat, 3 Feb 2007 16:00:38 +0100

Quote:

    Linux Genuine Advantage[tm] is an exciting and mandatory new way
    for you to place your computer under the remote control of an untrusted third party!

    According to an independent study conducted by some scientists, many users of Linux
    are running non-Genuine versions of their operating system. This puts them
    at the disadvantage of having their computers work normally, without periodically
    phoning home unannounced to see if it's OK for their computer to continue functioning.
    These users are also missing out on the Advantage of paying ongoing
    licensing fees to ensure their computer keeps operating properly.

    To remedy this, we have created a new program available as a required free
    download: Linux Genuine Advantage[tm].

For more fun, check out the comments in the source My favorite:

    # loop continuously, checking periodically to see if the author of this program got paid.
    # if no money has changed hands after 30 days, make the computer less useful as punishment.

http://www.linuxgenuineadvantage.org/

Pedja

    --
     To design the perfect anti-Unix, write an operating system that thinks
     it knows what you're doing better than you do.
     And then adds injury to insult by getting it wrong.
                                      --esr in "The Art of Unix Programming"

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### Worst Linux distribution names ever

Rick Moen [rick at linuxmafia.com]
Mon, 5 Feb 2007 11:48:26 -0800

A slice of daily life on the Ex-VA Linux Systems (EVALS) mailing list.

----- Forwarded message from Don Marti <dmarti at zgp.org> -----

    Date: Sun, 4 Feb 2007 18:42:18 -0800
    From: Don Marti <dmarti@zgp.org>
    To: TAG <tag@lists.linuxgazette.net>
    To: evals at lists.merlins.org
    Subject: Re: Worst Linux distribution names ever

begin Marc MERLIN quotation of Fri, Feb 02, 2007 at 10:42:22PM -0800:

    > On Sat, Feb 03, 2007 at 01:09:38AM -0500, Michael Jennings wrote:
    > > On Friday, 02 February 2007, at 22:05:29 (-0800),
    > > Marc MERLIN wrote:
    > >
    > > > > "Ubuntu" is Swahili for "F@@k me up the ass with a pine tree."
    > > >
    > > > Are you feeling resentful for having picked the wrong distro?
    > >
    > > heh :P
    > >
    > > 0109 <KainX[#E]> 'names
    > > 0109 <e-bawt[#e]> Worst Linux distribution names ever:  1. Yggdrasil  2. Ubuntu  3. Mandriva
    >
    > I have to agree that #1 wins hands down
    > #3 is also an unfortunate name combination

I refuse to teach my shift key finger how to capitalize gnewsense. Or however they spell it.

At least Yggdrasil sounds like they're trying to capture the prestigious Rick Moen market with obscure Norse mythology references.

    --
    Don Marti
    http://zgp.org/~dmarti/
    dmarti at zgp.org

http://lists.merlins.org/lists/listinfo/evals

----- End forwarded message -----

----- Forwarded message from Rick Moen <rick at linuxmafia.com> -----

    Date: Mon, 5 Feb 2007 11:43:47 -0800
    To: evals at lists.merlins.org
    From: Rick Moen <rick@linuxmafia.com>
    To: TAG <tag@lists.linuxgazette.net>
    Subject: Re: Worst Linux distribution names ever

Quoting Don Marti (dmarti at zgp.org):

    > At least Yggdrasil sounds like they're trying to
    > capture the prestigious Rick Moen market with obscure
    > Norse mythology references.

(Don't make me go all Mjølner on yo' ass.)

Hey, there are even reputed to be languages in which "Rijndael" has sensible pronunciations.

[ ... ]

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### Inner Peace

Rick Moen [rick at linuxmafia.com]
Fri, 9 Feb 2007 10:53:25 -0800

Truly an enlightened soul.

----- Forwarded message from camorris <camorris at mars.ark.com> -----

    From: camorris <camorris@mars.ark.com>
    To: TAG <tag@lists.linuxgazette.net>
    To: Deirdre Saoirse Moen <deirdre at deirdre.net>,

Rick Moen <rick at linuxmafia.com>, Karsten Self <karsten at linuxmafia.com> Cc: camorris at mars.ark.com

    Date: Fri,  9 Feb 2007 09:11:37 -0800

Reply-To: camorris at mars.ark.com X-Mailer: Digital Ark WebMail v1.2

    Subject: Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel. Please pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

----- End forwarded message -----

### Happy Lupercalia

Rick Moen [rick at linuxmafia.com]
Wed, 14 Feb 2007 19:34:57 -0800

An estimated one billion greeting cards have been sent out to various people's inamoratas to help celebrate the feast of Saint Valentinus. If you're Catholic and your calendar says it's later than 1969, then please be advised that Valentine got defrocked just after the Summer of Love (a Vatican II thing).

If you're Eastern Orthodox, then you do still have a Hagio Valentinus -- but his saint's day is July 6th.

If you'd rather celebate a less Hallmark holiday, wait until tomorrow, which is Lupercalia, aka Februatio, the festival of purification, in which Romans rang out the old year in high fashion: Priests of Faunus dubbed the "Luperci" (brothers of the wolf) would gather near the cave of Lupercal on Palatine Hill (where the she-wolf was supposed to have raised Rhea Silvia's kids, Romulus and Remus) to sacrifice two male goats and a dog, smearing blood on their foreheads, eating a feast, then dress in (only) the newly flayed goatskins and run a circuit around the city walls carrying lashes cut from the sacrificial victims. As they ran, they lashed young women along their route, to help ensure fertility.

Plutarch commented (in The Parallel Lives): "At this time many of the noble youths and of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped to an it is delivery, and the barren to pregnancy."

Killjoy Pope Gelasius I abolished Lupercalia, and declared the feast of St. Valentine in its (approximate) place, in 496.

Anyhow, more goatskins and fewer greeting cards, I say.

    --
    Superpolylogarithmic subexponential functions! / Faster than a polylog but slow-
    er than exponential. / Even though they're hard to say, they're truly quintess-
    ential. / Superpolylogarithmic subexponential functions! / Um diddle diddle did-
    dle, um diddle ay! / Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay!  -John S. Novak, III

### The dog ate my laundry...

Jimmy ORegan [joregan at gmail.com]
Wed, 28 Feb 2007 16:48:40 +0000

On 28/02/07, Kat Tanaka Okopnik <kat@linuxgazette.net> wrote:

    > On Wed, Feb 28, 2007 at 04:22:08AM +0000, Jimmy O'Regan wrote:
    > > On 28/02/07, Jimmy O'Regan <joregan@gmail.com> wrote:
    > > >On 27/02/07, Kat Tanaka Okopnik <kat@linuxgazette.net> wrote:
    > > >> Hi -
    > > >>
    > > >> It's getting a bit late in the month to ask this, but I'm guessing that
    > > >> you're still swamped and not up to Laundrette.
    > > >
    > > >No... I'm going to have to surprise you with the lesser-known excuse
    > > >"I have most of the work done, but it's in my parents house, and I
    > > >can't currently complete it as I have the flu, and my sister is living
    > > >there with her newborn daughter".
    >
    > My.  That's a very good excuse.

Isn't it? I wish I'd had a few of similar calibre when I was at school :D

    >
    > > Ava, 6lb 11oz, born 6.24am on the 23rd
    >
    > Congratulations to your sister, and happy birthing day to Ava - you
    > weren't exaggerating about "new born".
    >
    > (What's the Irish equivalent of looking like Winston Churchhilll,
    > anyway?)

Same thing. We're quite familiar with him

    > > >And that's just the stopping point...
    > >
    > > The rest of the story (of course there's a story, I'm Irish &c. &c.)...
    >
    > But this isn't blarney, I'm sure.
    >
    > > I would have been able to do some last minute work on it today, but
    > > I was in court - on the 8th I went to the pub for an hour and a half,
    > > and passed out while crossing the street afterwards. The woman who
    > > almost ran over me phoned the Gardai, and I was arrested.
    >
    > Yoiks! (We're awfully glad that was only "almost".)

Me too!

    > > I blame the insomnia I've been suffering since the end of the last
    > > year (and, fortunately, the judge seemed to agree): this isn't the
    > > first or last time that I've passed out from simple fatigue recently.
    >
    > Given your new duties, that's rather worrying.

Actually, I slept last night, and most of today, without resorting to chemical assistance. Now that the court visit is behind me I feel free to relax about the whole thing.

That, and I've stopped drinking coffee after 6pm

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Copyright © 2007, . Released under the Open Publication License unless otherwise noted in the body of the article. Linux Gazette is not produced, sponsored, or endorsed by its prior host, SSC, Inc.

Published in Issue 136 of Linux Gazette, March 2007

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